Does everyone get to a point in their lives where they feel like their worth is not recognized? I am an employee as well as an employer and with the experiences I am beginning to face lately, I would hate to make any of my employees feel this way. As a matter of fact, it has awoken my awareness. Never should I make anyone around me feel less worthy than they are no matter the circumstance.
My employment at Ericsson has been a good one. I have enjoyed working here and always proudly say I work with the world leading Telecommunication Company. Brand ambassador or what? And I would have loved to stay working for Ericsson if my full potential was being utilized and there was room for career growth in my current position. There is room but there are restrictions limiting this achievement. I began feeling the shakiness in January, took a vacation, came back hoping for the best turn around but things just felt like they were getting worse. I was willing to stick it through until my spirit began to get uneasy. Then I started praying about it. The more I did, the more I felt it was time to leave Ericsson and focus on Think Mahogany. There is nothing like knowing that you have a monthly income. That security, that security that leaves you stagnant. Fear of the unknown starts kicking in but no matter what; surely it should be better than what I am working over 40 hours a week for.
Before I joined Ericsson, Apostle Lyanne Koffi of The Lord’s Garden ministries prophesied to me at one of the consistently enjoyed Monday evening prayer meetings that my business is here to stay. Holding on to that, as a faithful Christian, I shouldn’t have any doubts right? Any one I sorted counsel from heartened me to leave. My boss said in one of our recent conversations, “I don’t want you to feel like I am encouraging you to leave but you are making a good decision. A lot of people are not brave enough to take such steps and they end up stuck in the same position, unhappy. I am sure you will look back a year from now and ask yourself why you didn’t leave earlier”. Another manager said “I was quite concerned about you, and reason I had that discussion about moving you into another position. You have so much to offer and I don’t think as an Organization, enough was done to challenge your experience to a mutually beneficial relationship for both you and the organization. I am sorry to hear about your demotivation and intention to depart”. Others have wished me well. Friends have encouraged me, often saying they are surprised I even stuck with Ericsson this long. Some say I have been unfair to Think Mahogany because the company could have been larger if I gave it more time. I can’t agree any less. My mother asked why I wanted to leave and I told her one of the main reasons is because I am not as happy as I used to be working for Ericsson. She said well then “in life, there is really no point doing something that you are not happy doing. Life is too short to put yourself through misery you can avoid but you will need to work twice as hard working for yourself!’ All comforting but still nerve wrecking.
Besides these words of inspiration, series of events unfolded and more and more I knew it was really that time. I started carrying out tasks that I never expected I would end up carrying out working in my role. Every task was a contribution to my resignation letter. One major incident was that of the rotten bananas. I was unwell on that Monday morning and decided to work from home instead. Half way through the morning I see an escalation email fly across from HR to my manager who was away in South Africa that there were Rotten Bananas on his desk which needed to be cleaned and I am not in the office to sort that out. I was livid! Yes I have keys to his office and because I am not in the office, the cleaners couldn’t get access to the rotten bananas. But is this enough for an escalation? Couldn’t she just have called me? I could have shown her where the keys are! Of course, I called the head of admin who went on to say the HR officer said she noticed that whenever my boss is out of town, I don’t come to work. Now I am more than livid so of course I confronted her. How can she say that? It is not true! And why are rotten bananas on a desk enough of a reason to email my manager all the way in South Africa. Sorry if I think this is minute but I am sure there are much more serious issues to be handled by HR in our office. By the way, two weeks later, she is no more with Ericsson. She resigned herself, 4 months after the HR manager resigned. What is going on over here???
Of course he didn’t reply to that email. I am sure he equally thought it was petty. I am certainly beyond being a subject of escalation due to rotten bananas. “I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praise the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium.” – Jarod Kintz. It is time to step up my game!
Where am I supposed to be, where do I really want to be? Like I mentioned earlier, I am often eaten up by the fear of the unknown. Oh but before I forget, one comment that a few “shallow minded” people make that gets on my nerves when I say I want to leave Ericsson to focus on Think Mahogany is when they say “oh then you must have a lot of money or oh then Mahogany must be doing well!”. Does it not occur to them that maybe I need to resign to be able to build Mahogany to do well. How will it do well if I am not paying enough attention to it? KMT! It’s like a farmer who plants a crop and goes to rest in the farm house without watering or fertilizing the crop the way he is really supposed to. He only relies on the occasional rain. Will that crop grow? Depends on the crop I guess. My planted tree surely needs more care.
It is a tough decision but I have made up my mind. Rotten bananas make some awesome cakes and desserts. Rumi advises to “Seek the path that demands your whole being” and I must make a vow to myself to make it work. Mr. Ibrahim, the Ericsson Cashier said there are days that I may face difficulties but I must say to myself “I am determined to make it work and I will make it work.” Even though they say nothing is worth everything, I must make everything worth something with no exclusions to my baby, Think Mahogany (Mahogany Events by Debra-Jane, Mahogany Marque, Nicki Photography, The Groom’s Lounge, Women of Talent, et al).
DREAMT IT – BELIEVE IT – ACHIEVE IT
Kimberly Jones-Pothier one of my favorite female preachers and founder of Conquering Hell In High Heels said “Sometimes, you have to be flat on your back to see Heaven. Remember, if God brought you to it, God will bring you through it. Keep looking UP!”