Lately

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Lately my heart has been heavy…………………………for a cure that is impossible.

Well it is known that anything is possible but I don’t want that possibility and yet my heart is longing for it.
White-Flower_High_Definition_Wallpapers_hdkool.com_What do you do with a heart that wants more than your mind can handle?

Nothing can replace that void but the joy of the Lord and counting your blessings.  Has seeking God’s joy and counting your blessing wiped the memories away?  It is those memories that is the battle.

After yesterday’s event, I was left with 4 beautiful natural flowers arrangements with no use.  That is usually the case after events.  People spend so much on natural flowers and after the event, no one wants to take them home.

Its so sad.

I sometimes take one or at most two small arrangements home to my mother but that is nothing compared to the many that are heart breakingly thrown into the garbage.  Sometimes I want to take some to my friend Talata but I can’t handle the car drive with them for that long either.  I am allergic to natural flowers.  It makes me sneeze, itch and leaves me with runny eyes and nose.  I remember the last time I shared a hotel room with a natural floral arrangement for an out of town event.  It was a sleepless night.  It was a battle and I have since decided I will no longer make natural flowers my room mate.  Not even a bridal bouquet.

Unknown-2This is one of the natural flowers arrangement from yesterday’s event.  It had white roses, white lillies and white chrysanthemums

A white rose I heard represents Purity, Innocence, Sympathy, Spirituality.

Early tradition used white roses as a symbol for true love, an association which would later become the hallmark of the red rose. Also known as the bridal rose, the white rose is a traditional wedding flower.

A white lily I heard symbolises humility and devotion, lilies of the valley are the 2nd wedding anniversary flower.  As the flowers most often associated with funerals, lilies symbolise that the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death.  Yesterday’s event by the way was a funeral.

A white chrysanthemum is a symbol of loyalty and devoted love.

In general, chrysanthemums are believed to represent happiness, love, longevity and joy.

I woke up this morning feeling sad, one of my common moods lately.  As I walked past the arrangement I brought home last night, seating on my mum’s centre table, I pulled out one of the white roses that was jumping at me and put it in my hair.

I didnt even realise I had done that until my cousin commented about the flower in my hair.  And it dawned on me then how unusual that was of me.  I pulled out the flower and as I starred at it, my heart sunk in.  Lately I have been sad. Many things have happened that keeps reminding me of how lack of loyalty and devotion to love when we say that we love has caused many of us to hold pain that is so unnecessary.  As much as an old true love has has made its way back to me, it just isn’t the same.  You would have thought I would leap with joy.

I always say a broken heart is the one thing I do not wish on anyone.  It is a heavy indescribable pain that burdens the soul.  The first time I saw my friend Marion go through heart ache, I felt so helpless.  When I witnessed my brother go through heart ache I felt my world was falling apart.  These were all before I even experienced my own heartache.  I heard that everyone is meant to experience at least one heart ache in their lifetime but I still wasn’t braced enough for mine.  When it hit me in 2008, I lost it completely.  Now I look back and I laugh but when I remember that feeling, my heart sinks.

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They are beginning to wither, but I pulled out a few more stems of the beautiful flowers and put them together in my mason’s jar.  I will go against my own rule today.  A few stems of these beautiful withering flowers in my room (with my windows opened) should enlighten my blue days.

I am not heartbroken. Thankful to God because it sure is an experience I am never willing to go through again!  I have also learnt to guard my heart diligently, even though I am a real “sucker for love”.  Just lately, it saddens me why true love can’t live here anymore.

Maybe with my attempt at being my own florist, putting together my very own special arrangement;

The white roses will bring true love

The white lillies will bring humility and the devotion to love

And the white chrysanthemums will bring loyalty.

Together, there will be happiness, love, longevity and joy.

I wish you all well!

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